Proverbs 22
Verse 6:
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
I’ve come to realize two things about this verse. First, it’s a general principle, not a biblical promise. That is to say that great parents can have horrible kids, and horrible parents can have great kids. I’ve seen it both ways, in both my friends and my friend’s kids. But the general principle is that the child needs to be trained properly, and thus be on a “trajectory” from which he will not turn.
The second thing I’ve realized about this verse is the importance of recognizing “the way he should go.” Parents have a duty to influence their kids in positive ways, and to encourage them to strive for greatness. But at the end of the day the definition of “greatness” is not up to the parents, it’s up to the kids. At some point, the children need to find their own way, their own purpose, their own direction in life. And the parents need not meddle in that.
Here’s the classic example I’ve seen in my friends, particularly my Asian friends. Their parents want them to be doctors, or nothing else. Not even lawyers. But the child has an aptitude for something like art, or dancing, English, or business, not chemistry, biology or medicine. So what ends up happening? The child goes to college as a pre-med student (at a prestigious and expensive university like Stanford), has a miserable four years, decides to assert his or her independence, and either quits the undergrad program at the last minute, or finishes out the bachelors degree only to head off to art school afterwards.
To what end was the parent’s prodding, admonition, and distress? To no end. It was all for naught. Had the parents led the child “in the way he should go” it’s likely that much weaping and gnashing of teeth could have been avoided.