Proverbs 22
Verse 6:
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
I was listening to the radio the other day. I don’t remember what station it was; it was either K-LOVE, or Air1. But the DJ was commenting something to the effect of
Isn’t it great that we have this wondeful promise in Proverbs that if we do our job as parents to train up our kids that they won’t stray from it when they’re older?
He couldn’t be more wrong, I thought to myself. I wrote about this last month when I last read Proverbs 22. Back then I wrote:
First, it’s a general principle, not a biblical promise. That is to say that great parents can have horrible kids, and horrible parents can have great kids. I’ve seen it both ways, in both my friends and my friend’s kids. But the general principle is that the child needs to be trained properly, and thus be on a “trajectory” from which he will not turn.
And I still believe that. I’ve experientially tested this Proverb and it is by no means a hard and fast rule or promise. But parents shouldn’t lose heart. They should still follow the principle, and then follow Proverbs 3:5 by trusting in God with all their heart.
Actually, what I think the writer is saying is not that the child should be trained up in the “right” way, but in the way that is right for that child. “Train up a child in the way *he* should go.” Parents should be students of their kids and guide them in the way that they specifically should be guided. For example, a friend encouraged her young daughter’s love of bugs even though my friend had a bit of a phobia; I distinctly remember the little girl running up to her mom with a handful of dead bugs, and my friend opening her hand to receive them, telling the girl that it was a great find. Another example is some good friends whose middle child was a terror–as strong-willed and self-centered as they come. They worked for years to train a lot of that out of him (and of course the Lord gave them the grace to do it). But he needed work in that area, where his siblings did not. Just recently he wrote a letter to his mom thanking her for her perseverance and love.
BTW, I totally agree with you that parents can do all the “right” things and their kids don’t necessarily turn out well. Unfortunately kids have free will and can choose to not follow their parents’ guidance. And it’s unfortunate (to say the least) that often when that happens, the parents find blame in the church rather than support, when it’s the church that should really be there for them.
Pat, you didn’t read my post from last month on this subject. You’d probably find that we agree more than you realize